Chely Esguerra on the Journey of Becoming and Aging as a Privilege

“I can figure this out the way I’ve figured many things out,” says Organizational Development Adviser Chely Esguerra. It may sound simplistic but it’s a powerful reminder to all of us when life gets tough or when we’re dealing with overwhelming emotions. Currently based in Geneva, Switzerland, Chely has spent the past few years navigating moving to different cities and workplaces, but more importantly, “experiencing different versions” of herself and celebrating her evolution. She Talks Asia chats with Chely about what life has taught her looking back and moving forward. 

What do you do for a living, and what are the things that make you feel more alive?

I work as an Organizational Development Adviser for the International Committee of the Red Cross. What makes me feel alive – a lot! Big laughs, spending quality time with loved ones, the sun on my skin – all these simple things make me feel alive. I also pursue learning passionately. I am always trying to learn something new – whether that’s through a course, reading, learning, etc. and finding opportunities to practice and share what I have learned. An example of this would be coaching. During my free time, I volunteer as a coach especially for members of minority groups who would like to be coached but sometimes are not able to access such services. The sense of connectedness that coaching gives as a supporter and witness to another person’s humanity makes me feel alive.

How old are you?

42

"I am most known for___________."

I’ve been told that people remember me for my warmth, humor, and curiosity.

"I am most proud of ____________."

It’s difficult to say “most”, but let’s say that when I go to sleep at night, I look back at most days and am proud of myself for always trying and giving things a shot even when it’s difficult or even when I don’t know how. I anchor myself on my values, and I try.

What do you think is the biggest challenge, and the best thing, about being your age?

I love looking at a broken machine and thinking: “I’m 42. I can figure this out the way I’ve figured many things out.” I know the logic isn't tight, but it does something to my brain that encourages me. I also love being able to look back at memories with distance that only the passing of time can give and see them from different perspectives. 

Dealing with the natural changes of our bodies in my 40s is something I find challenging. Whether it’s physical mobility, eyesight, or shifting hormones – it’s humbling and sometimes, even frustrating to feel as if the body I know and am trying to take care of decides to suddenly change overnight, then change again. It doesn’t help that the expectation to remain “youthful” is so glorified, as if aging is a crime, when in truth, it’s a privilege.

How have you grown wiser in the past few years?

In the past few years, I’ve worked and lived in different countries which is a wisdom-building exercise on its own. Migrating to the unfamiliar creates an inevitable backdrop in figuring out who I am and who I am becoming. I suppose that if I could sum up my earned wisdom of the past few years, it's being able to experience different versions of myself and my changing needs without judging, just acknowledging with compassion. It’s a work-in-progress, but I recognize and celebrate the growth.    

What are the best pieces of life advice you have ever received?

I have received a collection of amazing advice from loved ones, and equally, from people I just met in passing. A stranger I met on a trip told me, “you can choose differently, you know?” and that always stuck with me.

Who are the women you look up to and how have they helped shape your life?

My grandmother, who is a retired public school teacher, taught me how to read and write when she was raising me. It’s because of her that I am fascinated by words and literature. My mother, who is a relentless self-learner. She always says she doesn't know much, but she is one of the smartest and most capable problem-solvers that I know. Having her model that to me shaped me to be a go-getter. My group of women, gay, and non-binary friends are people I look up to everyday. They remind me that we’re in this funny life together, that we can take turns when things are difficult, that we hold each other to worthwhile standards, and that we can be who we are and that is more than enough.  

What are you looking forward to in the next decade of your life?

I’m looking forward to having my two sons go through their early tweens and teenage years and also discovering the kind of mom I will be during this time. I’m looking forward to setting stronger boundaries, questioning the “should’s” we’ve been conditioned into what 40s looks like, taking space, indulging in guilt-free delight, and focusing on what matters. I’m also looking forward to learning how to be the elder I’d like to be.

#STAGenerations