Not All Women Are Pro-Women

What Holds Us Back From Supporting Each Other

Words by Nira Macaspac

Art by Ana Luciano-Fernandez

This piece was originally written as an informative speech by Unica Ricci Macaspac of DLSU Manila Senior High School, and adapted into article form by her mother, Nira Macaspac.

As a mother and a women empowerment advocate, hearing my daughter speak about female rivalry stirred something deep within me. It was a mix of pride, protectiveness, and a quiet ache I could not ignore. At just 17, she was already reflecting on issues many grown women still struggle to name: scarcity, silent competition, and the subtle ways society teaches us to compare ourselves with one another. What struck me even more was that these dynamics are not limited to students. As a parent, I’ve seen how competitive some moms can be with each other, with their daughters’ peers, and even with teachers. It is a kind of pressure rarely seen among dads, who tend to be less present in school settings and less involved in these subtle tensions. Since elementary, my daughter studied in a public science school where the environment was highly driven and achievement-focused. She later transferred to a university that offered more emotional support, inclusivity, and space for reflection. That opened her eyes to how much more women can thrive when they are not just working hard but are truly seen, supported, and surrounded by role models who help them believe in what’s possible. 

This piece is a reminder that female rivalry is not something we’re born with; it’s something we learn. And our daughters are already feeling the weight of it. By sharing her voice on a platform like She Talks Asia, we hope this message reaches not just young women like her but all of us who are ready to break the cycle. Because our girls are watching. And they deserve better.

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We’ve all seen it. The iconic scene from Mean Girls where Regina George, with a saccharine smile and sharp words, undermines another girl in a split second. It’s funny, iconic, and let’s be honest, disturbingly familiar. The portrayal of women tearing each other down for power, popularity, or approval isn’t new. In fact, it’s a recurring theme not just in movies but in real life, too.

But here’s the bigger question: Why are we so drawn to these portrayals? And more importantly, why do these dynamics sometimes show up in our own lives?

Let’s take a deeper look into the psychology and social structures behind female competition—and why understanding this behavior is the first step to breaking the cycle.

The Queen Bee Syndrome

Think of Regina George (Mean Girls), Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl), Sharpay Evans (High School Musical), and our very own Marga Mondragon (Kadenang Ginto). What do they have in common? They’re “Queen Bees”—fierce, powerful, and often the center of female rivalries. While entertaining, these characters mirror something deeper: the societal forces that pit women against one another.

In our daily lives, the rivalry might not involve burn books or viral drama, but it can show up subtly—through snide remarks, withheld support, social media shade, or passive-aggressive messages in group chats. These behaviors aren't just random; they are influenced by social conditioning, structural inequalities, and psychological factors.

To understand why female rivalry exists, let’s start with an evolutionary perspective. Evolutionary psychology suggests that in early human societies, both men and women competed for resources and partners, but for women, this competition often meant securing safety and social status through relationships. Women’s survival and social standing historically depended on strategic alliances and, at times, competition with one another for social and economic stability.

Think of scenes from Bridgerton, where women’s status relies heavily on marriage and alliances. For instance, if you want to have a high place or status in society, perhaps you must marry a nobleman like a duke, viscount, or prince. Such portrayals might be dramatized, but they reflect real dynamics from past centuries. Anthropological studies show us that this historical struggle for resources and social standing has imprinted subtle behaviors of competition and alliance on women. This mentality of competing for limited resources has been passed down through generations and still emerges in modern contexts.

Scarcity Culture

Fast forward to today, and we see that this competition extends beyond relationships. According to the 2024 Global Gender Gap Report, women still face significant systemic barriers to resources and opportunities, particularly in male-dominated industries. Globally, women hold only 29% of senior roles in the workforce, and the report highlights that at the current rate, it will take 131 years to fully close the gender gap across economic, political, and social dimensions. This limited access can foster competition, where women feel they must fight for scarce opportunities, often perpetuating a cycle of rivalry rather than collaboration.

These systemic inequalities don’t just create obstacles; they shape the dynamics between women, especially in environments where resources or roles are limited. This scarcity effect can intensify competition, driving women to adopt self-preserving behaviors that may inadvertently reinforce these divides.

This sense of scarcity—of opportunities, recognition, and support—fuels competition. In male-dominated fields, there are fewer seats at the table for women, which can lead to tension, gatekeeping, and rivalry, particularly when one feels they must "prove themselves" among limited roles.

The New Battlefield

Social media platforms contribute to a heightened sense of scarcity by showcasing curated highlights of others' successes, making accomplishments appear rare and highly desirable. Female Intrasexual Competition: Self-Promotion, Social Media, Sabotage, and Spending (Williams, 2023) discusses how social media amplifies the perception of scarcity, leading women to compete for visibility, recognition, and validation online, often resulting in rivalry.

This culture of comparison also affects our professional lives. Research shows that women in competitive work settings often feel the need to prove themselves by outperforming other women. M. Williams’ 2023 study on female intrasexual competition highlighted how self-promotion and subtle tactics of social maneuvering become survival strategies in workplaces, which can fracture trust and solidarity.

When Success Becomes Isolation

The concept of the "Queen Bee" captures a specific type of female competition, where one woman, often in a position of power, might undermine other women to maintain her status. This dynamic isn’t just fiction; it’s been observed in real workplaces, where women feel they must adopt competitive behaviors to survive in male-dominated fields. However, this behavior isn’t inherent to women; it’s a result of navigating environments with limited support and opportunities. Harvard Business Review’s 2020 article, It’s Time to Break the Cycle of Female Rivalry, points out that women in male-dominated spaces sometimes feel pressured to distance themselves from other women to fit in or to compete for the few spots available. This reinforces the cycle of competition, making it harder for women to unite and support each other in advancing gender equality.

When leadership roles are scarce, women may view other women as threats to their own advancement. This isn’t a reflection of female nature—it’s a symptom of systems that force women to compete for scraps rather than build abundance. And it hurts all of us. The cycle of rivalry keeps us isolated when what we truly need is community.

Let’s Break the Cycle

Understanding the "why" behind female competition helps us rewrite the narrative. Here are some strategies that can foster solidarity, and these aren’t just for women, but for everyone, men and LGBTQ+ allies included. True solidarity in the pursuit of equality is about lifting each other up across all genders and identities:

First, Self-reflection and Awareness: Let’s recognize how societal pressures can unconsciously influence our actions. By understanding how comparison and competition affect us, we can consciously choose empathy over rivalry.

Next, encourage Authenticity in Media and Social Spaces: Let’s promote a culture of authenticity where women can share their true selves, including their struggles, without fear of judgment. By presenting real, unfiltered lives, we can reduce the pressure of comparison and foster a sense of unity.

Lastly, advocate for Inclusive Opportunities: Creating fairer and more inclusive environments, especially in workplaces, helps reduce competition by ensuring women have equal access to resources. Policies that encourage mentorship, support networks, and fair promotions can create environments where women can collaborate and succeed together.

From Rivals to Allies

So, why are some women not pro-women? Often, the answer lies not in inherent rivalry but in the societal and structural pressures that foster competition rather than collaboration.

We’re conditioned to believe that opportunities are scarce, that we must compete to succeed, and that supporting each other comes at a cost. But today, we’ve seen that by understanding these dynamics, we have the power to change them. As we reflect on our own attitudes and behaviors, let’s commit to breaking the cycle of competition. By supporting one another, we create a world where women can thrive—not at each other’s expense, but together, as allies on the path to equality.

Now, I’d like to leave you with these questions: 

References:

Kara-Yakoubian, M. (2024, March 6). Young women use gossip against rivals, driven by jealousy and self-esteem, study finds. PsyPost - Psychology News. https://www.psypost.org/young-women-use-gossip-against-rivals-driven-by-jealousy-and-self-esteem-study-finds/

Kiner, M. (2020, April 14). It’s time to break the cycle of female rivalry. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2020/04/its-time-to-break-the-cycle-of-female-rivalry

Lovering, N. (2022, October 6). Why do women compete with each other? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/competition-among-women#among-friends

Martin, A. (2023, October 19). United Nations: Gender equality and women’s empowerment. United Nations Sustainable Development. https://www.un.org/sustainabledevelopment/gender-equality/

Tadross, V. (2022, September 21). Women, why are we hurting each other? The Vanderbilt Hustler. https://vanderbilthustler.com/2022/09/21/tadross-women-why-are-we-hurting-each-other/

Williams, M. (2023). Female intrasexual competition: Self-promotion, social media, sabotage and spending [Master’s thesis, Charles Sturt University]. Charles Sturt University Research Output. https://researchoutput.csu.edu.au/ws/portalfiles/portal/358909223/M_Williams_Thesis_Female_Intrasexual_Competition_Upload_July_2023.pdf

World Economic Forum. (2024, June 11). Global gender gap report 2024. https://www.weforum.org/publications/global-gender-gap-report-2024/digest/