February: How to Recognize and Reclaim Control

I stopped a car with my right palm and my left knee today.

The lady in the midnight blue BMW SUV pulled around the street corner with such elegance, complete with a movie-like slow motion head turn, which would have been all good had she had the right of way or not been driving a metal battering ram. But, alas, the little human figure on the traffic light was all the way green and I was smack dab in the middle of the pedestrian crossing that she arched in to.

Now this is doubly frustrating, because anyone that knows me well enough can tell you that I am wildly particular about following rules; especially traffic lights. Even as an impatient New Yorker. Even when I really have to pee.

You can do absolutely everything little thing right, and something in the Universe is still going to go awry.

I shook and sobbed the rest of the way back to my apartment, pissed off that I could have been seriously hurt, but also that when we made eye contact, she didn't even look or say sorry.

But perhaps what rattled me most was the feeling of being utterly out of control of the situation.

I wanted to transition this sentiment into self-care and inner work today. Because no matter where along your journey you might find yourself—you can be cruising on a new wave of awareness and peace, when all of a sudden—something wildly unexpected goes on and rises up out of the depths of the universal ocean; right where you can't avoid it.

You could be feeling really good about the work you're doing, when an old nemesis you thought you had graduated from, somehow pops back into the picture.

You might have finally forgiven someone; years of deep healing and processing, when lo and behold that person surfaces in your life after eons of no contact.

You just scored on a big new opportunity, personally or professionally, then receive news that there are some changes that directly impact the outcome of what could have been a dream come true.

This, my loves, is the test. This is the big bad boss at the end of a level on the video game of your life. We talk about disruptors in growth industries like tech; lauded for their ability to shake things up and pivot onto unforeseen paths.

This is our spiritual version: disruptors in the growth industry of self-development.


I advise you to stay the course.

It's easy to succumb, to revert, to find false comfort in not having to try or fight. But if there's one thing I've learned in life, it is that—

I recognize happiness comes from solving problems.

And that includes fear facing. Forever. Because the more you run, the less you grow, and the less you grow, the longer you'll be stuck with that basic-ass dilemma of yours. Your value; what you have to teach and offer this world, is developed solely by forming inner fortitude and a set of principles as you traverse and deal with these disruptors.

While many things may seem like they are out of your control, your reactions to situations, and the choices you make are always yours to fully own.

But here's the next level challenge: are you able to approach and handle these pain-in-the-ass inconveniences with love? Can you lock into all the inner work you've been doing when faced with the biggest damn trigger your life has possibly ever known?

Because lord knows it is easy to come across discomfort, and pass it by, recoiling. But if I were a betting woman, I'd put my money on your ability to dig deep into your inner wisdom and infinite font of love, and deal with such discomfort with the superpowers of vulnerability and openness.

That's how you beat the level, you see.

That's how you rescue the princess (who is actually just a symbol of your happiest self).

Control is not using cheat codes, or just the button that allows you to duck. Control is artfully and skillfully navigating the playing field, attacking when needed, recharging when needed. Control is mastery of decision making and problem solving.

Try not to shy away.